I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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