If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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