the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
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