so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
