blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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