I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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