Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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