there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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