Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
