I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
