dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
