Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
