those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
PANTIES FOUND
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