I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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