is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
