I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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