My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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