I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
