Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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