I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
