He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
