worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
