just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
