Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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