i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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