Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
