Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
