you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
