he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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