just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
