But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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