Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
