Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
