I'm jealous of your bromance
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
