My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
