I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
