Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Barsexuality is the new black.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
