We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
