beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
