nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
