I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
