So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think I just sharted jello shots
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
