Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
