Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
