Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
