we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
