Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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