u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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