Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
