There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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